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Keeping My Focus in the Fog

Becky Raymond on October 15, 2012 Comments (1)


Anesthesia and I are not good friends.  I’ve always been one to avoid it at (nearly) all cost.  When I go in for dental work, I decline the shot and gut it out because I hate being numb all day.  When I recently had to undergo an outpatient procedure, I was told that general anesthesia was required.  I hadn’t been put to sleep since I had my wisdom teeth pulled in college, so I really didn’t know what I was in for.

I guess the good part is no pain.  That’s about the only good part.  I very much disliked the nausea, the feeling of heaviness, being unable to move, feeling out of control, of even my thoughts, as I slowly woke up.  It seemed I was forever in an in-between land of monotonous nothingness.  But as I was able to open my eyes, the first thing I saw was a small wooden cross, high on a wall.  I drifted in and out of sleepy subconscious-ness, but always trying to again focus on that cross, because it was the one thing in that room that I knew and understood.  All around me were noises, voices, and circumstances I couldn’t understand, but when I looked and focused straight ahead at that cross, I knew where I was, and I knew who I was.  I was in the recovery room of a Catholic hospital, and my bed had been placed directly in front of the nurses’ station, above which hung that small wooden cross.  I knew that I was alive, awake, and I was a child of God, because of what Christ did on that cross.

Since then, I’ve thought much about what our lives would be like if we would just focus on the cross, letting the confusion of noises, voices and circumstances around us fade as the cross comes into sharp focus.  Oh, that I would live every day in view of the Cross.



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  1. cynthia November 20, 2012

    The words you wrote rang so true to my heart. That is nailing it on the head for me. I needed hear that,and you wrote it so clearly.

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